I look into a world that feels painful
where people have only negatives to give
i see that there are so many broken hearts
I wish I could see a moment of hope
a moment of love, peace or something good
within this world of ours, which is all we have
can we not stop for a moment to
think not of who to blame
and think instead of
who to help, who to thank
maybe give others
a reason to hope
Whitney Houston
Aug 9, 1963 – Feb 11, 2012
The wind blows softly
and now you sit
looking from the other side
I wonder do you see the flip
from a gathering quick to point a finger
quick to sneer and snicker
to people filled with grief and hurt
maybe because it’s a reaction
tempered long in tradition
the flowers will come, moments of silence too
but for me I give nothing
I have nothing to compare to you
what people might now realize
is that through everything in your life
you strove to carry on
and uphill the battle may have been
with quicksand suggestions on all sides
I hope you weren’t alone
I hope someone held your hand
It may have been lonely
I hope you’re not alone right now
Maybe those people I talked about
now realize their shame
one day they might see
climbing a mountain no one said you had to climb
doing your best against the stories
it is now that people might know
and realize
‘The Voice’ has sang her last
and it’s too late to say goodbye
from myself and my heart
I wish I could do something
I wish I could show you
what you’re courage meant to me
A simple man far away
without a talent of your sort
simple poem from a simple man
cannot compare to your songs
Your *final song gives me shivers
makes me wonder if you knew
with a smile and a flourish
you laughed and left the stage
I hope you are better now
I wish you all the best
and that you truly believed
what was on your final breath
from a poet to an Icon
I will always love you too
*The last recorded performance of Whitney Houston was at the at the Kelly Price & Friends Pre-Grammy Concert on February 10, 2012
She Sang….
‘Jesus Loves Me’
living my live with hope in my heart
that one day i ay live to see your eyes again
one day i hope you can be a starlet a queen within a land
that takes us both beyond our dreams
and with everything that you might have
to say
i give you what i can everything i have to give
everypart of me to live
for your heart
for your eyes
for your life
Having no other word for my littlest sister, I shall cal her Meisje, She has always been precious to me and my brother as well. it is to my loss that I can say that I have very few memories of her. She wasn’t even her teens when i moved out.
I remember she had a beautiful singing voice, she was my Cosette, sing castle on a cloud perfectly. She was a sweet heart and fearless. All my sisters had gifts, hers seemed to be that she was utterly fearless when it came to animals, petting any strange dog that came by.
The one memory that sticks out the most is a ski trip, My parents had arranged for us to go to a local ski hill that actually had black diamonds, more than a hill but not quite a mountain. My brother and I were together as usual and we were riding up the chairlift about two thirds up my brother swore and started yelling, I remember being really confused until I saw my littlest sister, My fearless meisje, trapped on the side of a black diamond. she was about 7 I think with tiny skis and the littlest poles. Anyhow my brother started telling hang on, as soon as he got off the chair lift he raced over to the run, and started down. My sister was vehemently defending her right to be there, but he made her take her skis off and climb up the hill, and then follow him down to the bottom. Much yelling ensued but at last she agreed to find the rest of the girls and stay on the easier hills, such a courageous girl.
I only know what I heard, which was a lot, She finished High School in two years and a bit, she finished university in 2 and a bit as well. She paid for her first car with money she had saved babysitting, all my sisters saved really well. She excelled at figure skating, she was the kind of lady that would give without thought of herself. A childhood friend of hers told me that in grade one, when she was all alone and felt sad my sister chose to sit beside her everyday, to make her feel better.
But the best i save to last.
My sister re-entered my life when i was 23, working at a restaurant. She asked me if i would help her get a job there. at sixteen she was too young to be a server but they hired her as a hostess. I loved every day i worked with her, I became friends with one of my coworkers and we played pool together did a little bar hopping now and then. He was a good friend to me.
Suddenly he and my sister started dating, 9 years later and they have been married for a couple of years.
a poem for my meisje
Soft and gentle, kind and giving
smart as Einstein, with joy for the living
Gorgeous heart strong and true
makes me warm with love for you
taking time to help out others
a princess in the hearts of both your brothers
I wish you joy with in your heart
you’ve made compassion into an Art
LittleGopher
PS Happy birthday
I promised my mom I would write about her next my mother has always inspired with the feeling of quiet strength. It always seem no matter what the sacrifice, for her children she would do anything. she was the other half to the best parenting team i can think of. as a child i remember the contributions she made to the budget, I wish i had thought to keep even one of those hand made Bermuda shorts i thought were so cool. As budget restricted as they were she was well aware of peer pressure and clothing and would occasionally stretch the budget to buy a certain type of clothing just so we wouldn’t be laughed at.
another thing that really strikes my memory as a moment of comical irony is that she would get mad at the smallest of things sometimes (small to a child’s eyes that is). but in moments of catastrophe she had nerves of steel. i recall when i was a young teen and i was chopping wood and sliced my hand down to the bone. I remember the voice i will never forget and will cherish forever saying “Does he need a tourniquet?” as calmly as if she was asking what’s the weather like. extreme calm under pressure is something i wish i inherited, i haven’t but i always wish i had.
there are many contributions that my mom has made to my current philosophy and way of thinking. a childhood tradition that i wish i could pass on would be seeing my brother and i off to school each and every day. my brother and i took the city bus to school everyday even in elementary. she would gather the 2 of us to her and say “may the lord bless you and keep you, may he cause his face to shine upon you and grant you his peace” adn would send us on our way.
like many people my memories aren’t crystal clear and most likely i am just one of the many people to believe there mother was perfect. I do know my heart is truly happy when i see her and there have been times when i have had to resist the urge
to run and hug when it was inappropriate. when i think of my mother i think of dedication, i think of love courage and strength unmatched by any offer i can give her.
My mother brings memories of dress-up days in the kitchen, long walks at night with me where we would talk. Dancing in the kitchen with my little sisters. and ABBA. oh Abba dear Abba i will never listen to any of your songs without instantly thinking of my mother. she loved you guys and if anyone asked me what kind of music my mom likes ABBA would be the first group to come to mind.
There are many things i could say about my mom, but in the effort of keeping it brief the biggest impact she has had on my current way of life and thinking is about the powers of the female sex. at about the age of 12 my brother went to boarding school. between the ages of 12 and 15 i was the sole male child in my house. i learned very quickly that the limitations placed on the female sex be they physical, mental or otherwise are often misplaced.
i had 3 sisters and my mother for company most of the time. when i got my first job, i recall either my mom or my dad gave me a bundle of pamphlets on woman’s rights in the workplace. my sisters proved themselves equal to any challenge i made to the point of my giving up on any hope of being able to outdo them in anything. I will always be grateful for the strength i believe i gained from my parents.
and so we dance
with love and compassion
in a different place and time
where boundaries have changed
where knowledge gained through age
has made it easier to be
mother and son in 2 different worlds
where i can say i am sorry
and you can say it’s all good
many a child grows up without learning the love
and many a mother loses a child to modern life
but that will not be so with you and me
and so we walk
as we once did as mom and child
in dark neighborhoods
where the strong mother protects her son
from the neighborhood dog
we have learned a lot have we not?
for the strength to keep going
for the power to love without reason
i give you a part
of all the things i consider my own
and we move on a little closer
swaying
so we live
having learnt from the past
my compassion having grown
my dreams a little brighter
i will always love you
and always remember
the songs, the dance
the walking, the talking
the memory of one thing to hold me up
in times of darkness
is our little tradition
of the farewells each day
started with
The Prayer
Love you mom
TLC
Littlegopher
Just seeing if this works or not
dear Grandpa,
Well the time has come and gone where goodbye’s must be said. To you i wish nothing but happiness. I want you to know that even though we were never close in a physical sense, I often thought of you. I am sorry that i wasn’t there at the end, I feel badly about it.
I have often wanted to thank you for the images you’ve left in my head. You were the best grandfather in that my memories of you are happy. I remember playing at your house as a young boy. Playing on the shuffleboard getting dust everywhere. I remember the multicolored rug in the TV room, The model ship you built, the little liquor cabinet you had with the tiny bottles. I remember when i was really young wondering if you even knew how to read English because every book you owned was in dutch. Of course i was only 6 at the time, i learned better.
I remember there was a time when I had Father-Son day at school my Dad couldn’t be there and you came instead. I hit your thumb, and we had fun. I remember even further on in my life when i came to you for sponsorship for my summer tour, I was so nervous asking you for money. but you listened to what i had to say and then told me you thought it was a good idea. You then not only sponsored me but encouraged others too as well. At that point in my life I think we were closest. I had a car at the time and i would come over just to visit and we would work in your shop building what ever we thought of. I do remember being all thumbs (still am) but you were so patient and you often helped me see other possibilities when my projects didn’t work out so good. You saw good in everything i built even when i thought it was ruined. thanks for that 
There are 3 distinct memories which i will hold close to my heart.
Your chair, it was so old but you used it so long that there was a little groove in the arm where you kept the ashtray. The smell of cigarette smoke is never pleasant, but for me it will trigger a memory.
Your prayer, I have yet to meet a person who spoke so fast when praying. It was years before i could understand it, But as my father once pointed out to me. It didn’t matter if i could understand it all that mattered was that God could
Your heart, the fact that you would travel into faraway places to build houses for natural disaster victims with no thought for your self inspires me to help. Of course i will never be able to do the big helping you did but if i can help in a small way maybe i can honor you memory that way.
As I said before this is my farewell
for me the word is not goodbye but until we meet again
I want you to know that it hurt when you left
I want you to know I cried.
instead of a big family we now have eight little ones
and even though you’re still there, it still feels like a loss
living now with what i have
going on is hard to do,
i have to believe that there will come a time
when a memory will bring a smile instead of a tear
and i have to remember that even though you’ve left
in my heart you’re still here
I will remember when you said
I need to grow and live
before i can volunteer my life away and give
for being an inspiration, i thank you
for being patient and gentle, i love you
thank you for providing a place
where there are no bad memories.
Until We Meet Again
Littlegopher
